Mum and I had an interesting chat this evening. We were talking about the choices that people make and how you can often see the consequences before they even happen. You can see exactly what result they are about to get that is exactly what they don’t want. Jillian Michaels talks about this in her book Unlimited. She talks someone who has found themselves in rather a mess because of a sequences of events all sparked by choices.
This all got me talking about my choices, I want to understand exactly how I got here. This is not where I thought I’d be at this point. I am not doing the job I want, I don’t have the money I thought I might, my flat isn’t what I thought. But here is the really funny thing, we tracked back through my entire life, talking about the first time I remember consciously choosing things for myself. Were there things I could have done differently? Of course. But here is what I discovered.
I always thought that choosing chemistry as my degree on leaving school was a bit of a mistake. It seemed like a good idea at the time… I wanted to do other things but they never really seemed like a real option. Tracking through from then until now here is why it wasn’t a mistake.
- I met one of my best friends on the very first day (I fell down the steps outside the building and landed on her – we’ve been friends ever since)
- I wouldn’t have had the chance to take a placement year and live in Edinburgh. That would have changed me into something different to what I am today.
- I would not have gone on to work where I did after, meeting people I am still friends with now. I also wouldn’t have been made redundant from there which paid my uni fees for my sign language interpreting course.
- The biggest one of all. I wouldn’t have met the man-shape. He was friends with my 3rd year lab partner.
That 5 year course went a long way to forming who I am today.
Thinking about my choices my mum did say she didn’t think I had made any real clunkers decision wise. Sure, we all make little decisions every day that shape us. Some of them are good decisions and some of them are total clunkers.
Where has this all come from? Well, I am at what I would call a pivot point. I could go a number of different ways right now. I have gotten through to the final interview stages for a job that is not what I want to do. I felt I had to take a couple of hours to understand my choices up until now to make sure that what choices I make now are the right ones for me right now. (There is no such thing as THE right choice I don’t believe, but there are
some that will make me happier) The closer I get to being offered this job the more I start to hear the little voice shouting in my head: “You’re going the wrong way…”
So, here is the plan. Go for this job, see it through to the end, have the option. Meanwhile, pursue what I really want with as much vigour as I can. My intention has been thrown out into the universe. Now I need to be ready and prepared to catch it when it appears.
And one last thing, going back through my choices both big and small, I can start trusting in my own judgement, because you know what? I’ve done not too bad making decisions for myself up until now. I can do the big ones, now to master the little every day decisions.