Day 168

Day 168

I have an apology to make. Between upload issues and general life stuff this blog has not delivered what was promised for a couple of weeks now. Here is a moment of honesty: I am finding things hard just now. I am not used to feeling useless. I know I am not useless, I’m not trying to say I am but not having a job makes me feel less a part of general society more than I realised. Not having a job basically means having very little money, watching every penny to make sure that the bills get paid. Everyone reading this, pay off any debts and start saving a cushion fund now. Seriously. Hopefully you’ll never need it but if you do it will make things much more pleasant.

The lack of money is meaning that I’m not going out and seeing people as much as I would like and the times I do I feel a kind of guilt if I am spending money on “fun”. It’s crazy. I should be living my life. I can’t keep thinking like this or I’m going to end up driving myself insane.

I haven’t had much to say in this blog lately because the few things I can do to help pull myself back up are either really private or really rather boring. I mean, who wants to read that I spent a day filling out paper work or trying to write a business plan? (by the way, being more proficient with a crystal ball would make financial forecasting much easier…)

The blog (and me) has lost it’s way a bit and I’ve not been able to deliver some of what was promised and for that I am sorry. Project bedroom is still on hold until I can afford the make over. I am much cleaner and tidier since the clutter binge of the start if the year but it has fallen into an “as and when” routine rather than something scripted that I can share here.

I am working on everything that the tabs along the top say I am but I have totally lost my voice when trying to write about the better life I have been attempting to build for myself. And if I am completely honest, I feel that it is so disorganised and difficult just now that writing about it could end up being uninspiring to anyone reading and might discourage people from doing their own “creating me” style projects.

I have not completely lost heart but I do need to have a good think about how to focus myself (and this record of events) again. I’ve got too far and made too many good steps to give up now. But I do need to share that this part of the journey isn’t easy. To say otherwise would be a lie.

Nothing worth doing is easy, right? Well a better, more streamlined, more fun filled and less stressed life will be worth this time. And I am sure I will recognise it that bit easier and appreciate it all the more for it not coming too easily.

Thank you to anyone still with me. Together we’ll get there.


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